Expectations vs needs


So the past few days I have been reflecting on expectations, trying to figure out how to deal with lack of satisfaction in certain cases. What I found out is that getting to the roots of the feelings that we have, we should become aware whether it is our expectations OR our needs that are not met, so that we can cope with the situation. Unfulfilled expectations then need more of a personal approach, while unmet needs must be discussed between the persons involved in the relationship.

Thats a simple sketch of what the process looks like in my understanding:
1. Expectations example- “I want him to show me that he cares about me by calling me 5 times a day”
<This is by all means an expectation. You have an idea of how you think your partner should treat you and you project it on him, thus limiting his freedom of expression and failing to appreciate him for who he is>

2. What is the need behind the expectation- to feel that your partner care about you/loves you/etc.
<If someone simply refuses to be attentive to your needs, it does not mean that you will stop caring for him/loving him, but it doesn’t mean you should be with that person as well.>

3. No expectation attitude- give your partner the freedom to find his own unique ways to show you that he cares

4. What to do If it’s still not working- Speak up your mind. Talk about it. If the other person wants to go through that with you, you will find ways, if not, it does not matter what solutions you will find.

Needs practice.

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